In the quiet hush of the labor & delivery room, where the air is charged with anticipation and the scent of earthiness and birthyness, a new chapter in your life unfolds. The rhythmic cadence of your breath is mirrored by the gentle whispers of your doula, a reassuring presence in this oh so sacred moment. The culmination of nine months… maybe more, leads to this: the first hour with your newborn.
When I was selecting items for my baby registry, it was really important to me to not go overboard. As a doula of 14 years, I’ve seen families get overwhelmed with the amount of stuff in their homes and nurseries and I knew I wanted to keep things on the simpler side. I also wanted to be mindful of the impact on not only the environment, but also my baby’s microbiome - which meant finding a lot of eco-friendly products to keep waste down and keep our home as “low tox” as possible. Here you’ll find some of my favorite sustainable and most useful items that I registered for.
The Doulas of Orange County office phone rings.
I pick up. “Hello! Doulas of Orange County. Lauren speaking.”
A strained voice sounds relieved to hear me, and it sounds like she has been crying. She’s an exhausted new mom of 12-week old twins and a 20-month-old toddler (who won’t let her out of his sight). She’s drained from her twin pregnancy, a difficult birth, and breastfeeding challenges. She struggles to keep up with laundry and wash enough dishes to have plates for the next meal. Her partner has been trying to feed the baby at night, but she’s still waking up to pump for multiples and can’t help but feel guilty about how tired her partner will be at work the next day. She really needs a postpartum doula in Irvine, CA.
“Can you help me, even though my babies are so old?” She asks.
In the quiet hush of the labor & delivery room, where the air is charged with anticipation and the scent of earthiness and birthyness, a new chapter in your life unfolds. The rhythmic cadence of your breath is mirrored by the gentle whispers of your doula, a reassuring presence in this oh so sacred moment. The culmination of nine months… maybe more, leads to this: the first hour with your newborn.
As a dad, oftentimes the reality of having a baby doesn't set in until they're born. Even then, bonding can take a while and this new role of fatherhood can feel oh, so intimidating. We get it and it's completely normal. You didn't carry, birth or nurse your baby and it all feels abstract.
One of my favorite parts of being a Postpartum Doula is to help dads grow closer to their babies and watch their confidence soar.
Pick your favorite books, hold your baby in your lap and read, read, read. Not only does reading to your baby help encourage early language development, but she will love listening to the unique tone and natural rhythm of your voice. If you have a hard time with basic board books, try pulling out your favorite PG chapter book to read aloud. Baby doesn’t care too much about the content, they care about connection.
Bath time is a perfect way to introduce a simple routine that can be just for you and baby. Whether it’s every night before bed or every other day, you will gain confidence as you care for your little one and ensure a special time carved out to enjoy being a dad.
Physical touch is so very important for brain development and emotional security. By introducing a basic massage routine to your week, the bonding hormone, oxytocin will be flowing in both baby and dad. The release of this hormone creates a strong attachment and actually increases your desire to be present and close with those you love.
Diaper changes. It’s a mundane occurrence that happens way too often, right? A baby needs 8-12+ diaper changes a day, which leaves SO many opportunities to connect with your baby while they’re usually awake. I like to encourage fathers to utilize this time making eye contact with their baby and sing a song. Before you know it, it will be the favorite part of your day.
Play is the foundation for early childhood. Get down on the floor and play with your baby. Make silly faces, shake a rattle, tickle their toes and imitate their sounds. You have many more years of play ahead of you, so start now by building a strong attachment rooted in joy.
We promise this idea wasn’t just started by new moms waiting for their 6 week clearance. Multiple studies show that holding your baby skin-to-skin while feeding them, increases bonding, regulates baby’s temperature and encourages baby to be accustomed to your scent. Simply get your little one in a diaper only, cradle them upright in the nook of your arm, make eye contact and feed your baby.
There’s nothing like watching a new dad beam with pride as he calms his crying baby. From the football hold to bouncing on the yoga ball, to swaddling and shhhhhhhhing; a postpartum doula will help you practice each and every soothing technique for your fussy newborn!
The desire to be held spans across every age and starts from the moment you’re born. Babies are often go from rocker, to swing, to crib to tummy time and crave to touch from those they love. You don’t need to hold your baby all day long to create a strong bond. Plop your baby in your arms while catching up on the morning paper or snuggle during the basketball game. As a postpartum doula, I teach all dads how to use a baby-carrier to be able to get some baby snuggles in while still having both hands free!
In a world that is constantly on the go, bonding with other humans is often the last thing our minds. True, intimate connections have been replaced by social media and surface level relationships It somehow seems easier and safer that way.
But, is safe and easy best? Should we avoid connection and bonding because it's inconvenient? Not at all. Humanity needs true connection now more than ever. Adults and children alike are designed to need healthy attachment - it's a part of our DNA. It begins with pregnancy and continues to birth, childhood, marriage and beyond. Simply put, bonding is essential for our survival.
There's nothing like a good Netflix binge to help calm the mind and reset the body for the week ahead. I've had a particularly rough week emotionally, so when Sunday rolled around with it's rainy OC weather and nothing on my to-do list, I figured what better time to catch up on "Call the Midwife!"
For those that are unfamiliar, "Call the Midwife" is a PBS show all about midwifery care in the 1950s and 60s. It is a beautiful show that portrays the dramatic ups and downs of midwifery, birth, life, and death in the impoverished East End of London. Each episode is guaranteed to tug at the heart strings.
In episode two of the fifth season, there is an interesting commentary on breastfeeding vs. formula feeding with a beautiful lesson on listening to an individual mothers needs and desires.
Without going into too much detail (because really, if you aren't watching this show yet, you should!!) one of the midwives is extremely vocal of her disapproval of formula feeding. Keep in mind that formula was a new phenomenon in the 1960s and that some people could barely afford to put food on the table. Sister Evangelina, the notoriously vocal midwife touts the benefits of breast milk as being the perfect food for baby and bonus, it's free!
As a Birth & Postpartum Doula, I of course, know her views to be valid and correct from a logical standpoint, but I cringed at the words she used and the attitude she portrayed, essentially poo-pooing anyone who dared challenge her expertise and views.
Fast forward to a mom struggling to breastfeed and this same midwife (while encouraging her to keep trying), dismisses her fears and the pain breastfeeding was causing her. It took bleeding nipples and a full emotional breakdown for the midwife to finally admit that she was wrong and that formula was NOT, in fact, evil.
