Birth Plan, Doulas, Motherhood, Newborns, Postpartum
Lauren Foster, Co-Owner
The Magical Golden Hour

In the quiet hush of the labor & delivery room, where the air is charged with anticipation and the scent of earthiness and birthyness, a new chapter in your life unfolds. The rhythmic cadence of your breath is mirrored by the gentle whispers of your doula, a reassuring presence in this oh so sacred moment. The culmination of nine months… maybe more, leads to this: the first hour with your newborn.

The Magical Golden Hour
Decision Making, Pregnancy, Parenting, Newborns, Our Favorites
Lauren Foster, Co-Owner
A Doula's Eco Friendly Baby Registry

When I was selecting items for my baby registry, it was really important to me to not go overboard. As a doula of 14 years, I’ve seen families get overwhelmed with the amount of stuff in their homes and nurseries and I knew I wanted to keep things on the simpler side. I also wanted to be mindful of the impact on not only the environment, but also my baby’s microbiome - which meant finding a lot of eco-friendly products to keep waste down and keep our home as “low tox” as possible. Here you’ll find some of my favorite sustainable and most useful items that I registered for.

A Doula's Eco Friendly Baby Registry
Community, Doulas, Doulas of Orange County, Local OC Resources, Our Team
Lauren Foster, Co-Owner
Calling all amazing Doulas & Newborn Care ...
Calling all amazing Doulas & Newborn Care Specialists!
Birth Plan, Decision Making, Newborns, Parenting, Postpartum, Pregnancy
National Baby Co
Early Signs That You are Pregnant with Twins ...
Early Signs That You are Pregnant with Twins or Multiples
Newborns, Motherhood, Parenting, Postpartum, Postpartum Doula, Baby Sleep
National Baby Co
Are My Twins Too Old For Postpartum Doula Care?

The Doulas of Orange County office phone rings.


I pick up. “Hello! Doulas of Orange County. Lauren speaking.”

A strained voice sounds relieved to hear me, and it sounds like she has been crying. She’s an exhausted new mom of 12-week old twins and a 20-month-old toddler (who won’t let her out of his sight). She’s drained from her twin pregnancy, a difficult birth, and breastfeeding challenges. She struggles to keep up with laundry and wash enough dishes to have plates for the next meal. Her partner has been trying to feed the baby at night, but she’s still waking up to pump for multiples and can’t help but feel guilty about how tired her partner will be at work the next day. She really needs a postpartum doula in Irvine, CA.

“Can you help me, even though my babies are so old?” She asks.

Are My Twins Too Old For Postpartum Doula Care?

you are enough

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Lessons on Compassion from "Call the Midwife"

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There's nothing like a good Netflix binge to help calm the mind and reset the body for the week ahead. I've had a particularly rough week emotionally, so when Sunday rolled around with it's rainy OC weather and nothing on my to-do list, I figured what better time to catch up on "Call the Midwife!"

For those that are unfamiliar, "Call the Midwife" is a PBS show all about midwifery care in the 1950s and 60s. It is a beautiful show that portrays the dramatic ups and downs of midwifery, birth, life, and death in the impoverished East End of London. Each episode is guaranteed to tug at the heart strings. 

In episode two of the fifth season, there is an interesting commentary on breastfeeding vs. formula feeding with a beautiful lesson on listening to an individual mothers needs and desires.

Without going into too much detail (because really, if you aren't watching this show yet, you should!!) one of the midwives is extremely vocal of her disapproval of formula feeding. Keep in mind that formula was a new phenomenon in the 1960s and that some people could barely afford to put food on the table. Sister Evangelina, the notoriously vocal midwife touts the benefits of breast milk as being the perfect food for baby and bonus, it's free! 

As a Birth & Postpartum Doula, I of course, know her views to be valid and correct from a logical standpoint, but I cringed at the words she used and the attitude she portrayed, essentially poo-pooing anyone who dared challenge her expertise and views. 

Fast forward to a mom struggling to breastfeed and this same midwife (while encouraging her to keep trying), dismisses her fears and the pain breastfeeding was causing her. It took bleeding nipples and a full emotional breakdown for the midwife to finally admit that she was wrong and that formula was NOT, in fact, evil. 

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Honor Your Limits

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Being a Doula is hard. Like, REALLY hard.

It’s stunning and beautiful and profound and core-shaking and magical and fascinating. 

It's also gut-wrenching.

When a client hires you, they are hiring you to support them through some of the most intense moments of their lives. They are relying on you to be there in the thick of things... not only when things unfold as they envision, but also when things begin to fall off the rails.

When they hire you, they know that they can call you at 2am when their gassy baby is screaming her head off and nothing is working to soothe her.

When they hire you, they know you will answer an urgent text in the middle of family dinner.

They are depending on you to be the calm amongst the storm.

But what happens when you can’t be the calm in their storm?

What happens when your own life is an emotional roller-coaster? When you’re tapped out and literally have nothing else to give? When you’re so emotionally empty that the thought of attending a birth or going to one more postpartum visit leaves a pit in your stomach or brings you to tears?

TELL ME YOU HAVEN’T BEEN THERE. 
TELL ME I’M NOT ALONE.

 

There’s a reason the typical burn-out rate for Doulas is 2 years, people. 

And it’s not because we take on too many clients or because we don’t have enough help from our spouses or because we don’t take good care of ourselves (although those factors may definitely be true for some!).

It’s because being a Doula is really freaking hard. It’s also because typically in “Doula School” we aren’t taught our worth. We aren’t taught that self-care is important. We aren’t taught that our gifts have value. And we definitely aren’t taught that it’s ok to say no.

The expectations put upon Doulas is BANANAS. 

Advocate. Therapist. Midwife. Massage Therapist. Lactation Consultant. Sleep Trainer. Super Woman. All rolled into one.

This is what some Doulas claim to be. This is what is projected onto others even if the claims aren’t made by the Doulas themselves. This is what a society that doesn’t really know WHAT a Doula does, thinks we do.

I’M SORRY, BUT FUCK THAT.

 

While I may be a fantastic Doula, I am also a human.

As much as I would like to, I cannot promise a particular birth outcome. I cannot cure your Postpartum Depression. I cannot make your baby’s colic go away.

As a Birth & Postpartum Doula, I commit to support you through these life-changing experiences and I do it to the best of my ability. However, I cannot save anyone from anything. Not even myself.

I have my limits. And so do you. It’s different for each person, but that limit does exist.

SO, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU REACH YOUR LIMIT?

 

Me? I have to force myself to take a huge step back and look at what I’m costing myself AND what I’m costing my clients by trying to push beyond my limits. It is selfish of me to think that my lack of emotional wellness won’t affect my client’s birth or postpartum experiences. It is unrealistic to think that giving anything less than my best to a client will result in them being satisfied with my services and my support. 

Quite honestly, sometimes I have to put myself first. And that is absolutely ok.

Yesterday, I made the decision to transfer a client’s care to another Doula within our agency.

I did it because I know myself well enough to know that I would not be the calm amongst her storm. That I was unable to be emotionally present for her in my current emotional state. It was not done lightly. And while I did it for my own health, I also did it for my client. Because she deserves the best support she can get. She deserves someone who has their shit together.

I currently do not. And I’m woman enough to admit it. 

Thankfully, I work for an agency that supported me in this decision and encouraged me to take care of myself. I take comfort in the fact that my client will have a tremendous Doula who is better equipped to support her in the ways that she needs. I trust that her birth will be all the more amazing because of this transfer of care.

Admitting that you are not enough is a shitty feeling. But it is not a failure. Asking for help is not a weakness. Taking time to focus on you is not wrong.It took me a long time to learn this. But I’m thankful for the lesson and for the awareness in the here and now.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF? 

How is your day-to-day life reflecting the value you place upon your own self and well-being?

In case no one has told you yet, self-care is imperative. And it often goes overlooked in the life of a Doula. It’s unfortunate but true. 

But hear this... KNOW this: YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT. You cannot live a well-balanced life without it. Your work will not be sustainable if you don’t do it. And regularly.

Please, please, please don’t be like me. Don’t put yourself last and ignore your self-care needs. Pour back into yourself so that you have something left in reserve to give to your clients. Honor your limits. Know when to say “Uncle”. And for goodness sakes, don’t apologize for it!