Honor Your Limits

Being a Doula is hard. Like, REALLY hard.

It’s stunning and beautiful and profound and core-shaking and magical and fascinating. 

It's also gut-wrenching.

When a client hires you, they are hiring you to support them through some of the most intense moments of their lives. They are relying on you to be there in the thick of things... not only when things unfold as they envision, but also when things begin to fall off the rails.

When they hire you, they know that they can call you at 2am when their gassy baby is screaming her head off and nothing is working to soothe her.

When they hire you, they know you will answer an urgent text in the middle of family dinner.

They are depending on you to be the calm amongst the storm.

But what happens when you can’t be the calm in their storm?

What happens when your own life is an emotional roller-coaster? When you’re tapped out and literally have nothing else to give? When you’re so emotionally empty that the thought of attending a birth or going to one more postpartum visit leaves a pit in your stomach or brings you to tears?

TELL ME YOU HAVEN’T BEEN THERE. 
TELL ME I’M NOT ALONE.

There’s a reason the typical burn-out rate for Doulas is 2 years, people. 

And it’s not because we take on too many clients or because we don’t have enough help from our spouses or because we don’t take good care of ourselves (although those factors may definitely be true for some!).

It’s because being a Doula is really freaking hard. It’s also because typically in “Doula School” we aren’t taught our worth. We aren’t taught that self-care is important. We aren’t taught that our gifts have value. And we definitely aren’t taught that it’s ok to say no.

The expectations put upon Doulas is BANANAS. 

Advocate. Therapist. Midwife. Massage Therapist. Lactation Consultant. Sleep Trainer. Super Woman. All rolled into one.

This is what some Doulas claim to be. This is what is projected onto others even if the claims aren’t made by the Doulas themselves. This is what a society that doesn’t really know WHAT a Doula does, thinks we do.

I’M SORRY, BUT FUCK THAT.

While I may be a fantastic Doula, I am also a human.

As much as I would like to, I cannot promise a particular birth outcome. I cannot cure your Postpartum Depression. I cannot make your baby’s colic go away.

As a Birth & Postpartum Doula, I commit to support you through these life-changing experiences and I do it to the best of my ability. However, I cannot save anyone from anything. Not even myself.

I have my limits. And so do you. It’s different for each person, but that limit does exist.

SO, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU REACH YOUR LIMIT?

Me? I have to force myself to take a huge step back and look at what I’m costing myself AND what I’m costing my clients by trying to push beyond my limits. It is selfish of me to think that my lack of emotional wellness won’t affect my client’s birth or postpartum experiences. It is unrealistic to think that giving anything less than my best to a client will result in them being satisfied with my services and my support. 

Quite honestly, sometimes I have to put myself first. And that is absolutely ok.

Yesterday, I made the decision to transfer a client’s care to another Doula within our agency.

I did it because I know myself well enough to know that I would not be the calm amongst her storm. That I was unable to be emotionally present for her in my current emotional state. It was not done lightly. And while I did it for my own health, I also did it for my client. Because she deserves the best support she can get. She deserves someone who has their shit together.

I currently do not. And I’m woman enough to admit it. 

Thankfully, I work for an agency that supported me in this decision and encouraged me to take care of myself. I take comfort in the fact that my client will have a tremendous Doula who is better equipped to support her in the ways that she needs. I trust that her birth will be all the more amazing because of this transfer of care.

Admitting that you are not enough is a shitty feeling. But it is not a failure. Asking for help is not a weakness. Taking time to focus on you is not wrong.It took me a long time to learn this. But I’m thankful for the lesson and for the awareness in the here and now.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF? 

How is your day-to-day life reflecting the value you place upon your own self and well-being?

In case no one has told you yet, self-care is imperative. And it often goes overlooked in the life of a Doula. It’s unfortunate but true. 

But hear this... KNOW this: YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT. You cannot live a well-balanced life without it. Your work will not be sustainable if you don’t do it. And regularly.

Please, please, please don’t be like me. Don’t put yourself last and ignore your self-care needs. Pour back into yourself so that you have something left in reserve to give to your clients. Honor your limits. Know when to say “Uncle”. And for goodness sakes, don’t apologize for it!

First Annual Diaper Drive :: A Community Effort!

Today concludes Doulas of OC's First Annual Diaper Drive to benefit OC Rescue Mission in Tustin, CA. We are happy to report that we had a huge response from the community and were able to hand-deliver your contributions to the donation center earlier this afternoon.

In September of 2016 KTLA, OC Register and other news outlets put out the word about a dire need for diapers & wipes at OC Rescue Mission’s Village of Hope; a transitional community for the homeless in Orange County. Being that we are in the business of birth and babies, we quickly decided that this would be a wonderful cause to get behind and looked to enlist our community to help.

Our First Annual Diaper Drive launched in November. We partnered with Laguna Beach OBGYN and The Yoga Mat in Orange where we set up collection boxes for patients and patrons to drop-off diapers during business hours. Our own office in Costa Mesa served as a drop-off hub as well. 

Weeks went by and the empty boxes at each drop-off location began to fill up with diapers & wipes. The holiday spirit of giving was in the air and people generously donated to this worthy cause. Soon our entryway was overflowing with diapers just waiting to cover those cute little baby bums. 

Our collection efforts officially ended last week and today we commenced tallying the final numbers prior to dropping off the diapers. We are excited to report that we collected 2,281 diapers and 2,760 wipes. Experts say that with this amount you could diaper 1 child up to a year! Yay for clean and happy babies! 

The highlight of our experience was meeting "Guitar Kenny", one of the Warehouse Managers. He shared his personal story of how the OC Rescue Mission helped get him off the streets and recover from addiction. It was encouraging to hear about all of the great work OCRM is doing in the community, not only for babies, but for women, children, and men of all walks of life. 

It goes without saying (but we want to say it, so we will) that we could not have done this without you! Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for your generosity and enthusiasm in getting behind this cause. Thank you to Dr. Kenneth James & Allison Molinski at Laguna Beach OBGYN and Courtney Short & Natalie Ostad at The Yoga Mat! Your partnership in this endeavor is extremely appreciated. 

The success of this community-centered donation drive has inspired us and given us many new ideas to consider in regards to philanthropic involvement. We truly want our community to thrive and are eager to continue providing assistance and support wherever we can. Stay tuned for another community drive in April - this time focusing on the importance of well-woman care. And again in late-2017 for our 2nd Annual Diaper Drive!

In the Spotlight :: Allison Molinski, CNM

Today’s Spotlight is on the one of Saddleback Memorial’s midwives, Allison Molinski! She has partnered with many wonderful OBs to provide evidenced-based and compassionate care to the women of Orange County. Previously a midwife at Beach Cities Midwifery and previously one of the lead midwives at the now closed birth center at Mission Hospital she is offering hospital-based midwifery services and working tirelessly to bridge the gap in maternity care. 

We recently met Allison for dinner to talk all things pregnancy and birth! We are honored to have the chance to learn more about her background, her experience, and her incredible passion for serving women. We are excited to collaborate with her and to support her in the amazing work she is doing in Orange County.

Tell us a little bit about yourself, where you grew up, your education and how your training and experience sets you apart?

I grew up primarily in Orange County but also lived abroad for a number of years in South Africa, Venezuela, and Canada due to my dad’s job as an engineer. I feel so fortunate to have had those childhood experiences as they have had a strong influence on my life path ever since. I attended UC Berkeley for my undergraduate degree, and during my years at Berkeley I cultivated a passion for women’s rights activism and earned a degree in International Development. After graduating I moved to Jakarta, Indonesia to volunteer at a public health clinic for women and children. These experiences shaped my vision of becoming a midwife, as I began to see midwifery as a way I could combine all of my interests – health, feminism, and international development – and be in a position where I could positively impact my community. I left Jakarta and moved to New York City to earn a Bachelor’s and Master’s in Nurse Midwifery from Columbia University. My first job as a midwife was at Beach Cities Midwifery. I feel so blessed to have had strong mentorship from Beach Cities founder BJ Snell, and my time at Beach Cities enabled me to develop a strong foundation in midwifery in an out-of-hospital setting. (I also have tremendous gratitude to BJ as she also introduced me to my now-husband!)  I began working part time at Kaiser Orange County about a year ago, and recently left Beach Cities to join Dr. Kenneth James, a well-loved OBGYN in Orange County. I am thrilled at the opportunity to serve a broader demographic, and offer midwifery care in-hospital at Saddleback Memorial. I would love to ultimately work abroad as a midwife, as was my original intent, but for now it is clear to me that my calling is to work with women and families in beautiful Orange County. 

What is the “why” behind your business as a midwife? Why do you do what you do?

I became a midwife in part to become a resource for women in my community. So many of us have questions about our bodies – and about contraception, sex, fertility, childbirth, etc, and feel uncomfortable asking questions or having these conversations. I love that I am able to sit with women and create space for them to ask intimate questions. My goal is to offer information and resources and have a woman walk away feeling more empowered and confident about her body, her health, and her overall well-being. I also love that as a midwife I can offer a more holistic approach to women’s health care, blending western medicine with alternative modalities of care. 

What is the most satisfying part of your job? What is the most challenging?

Attending birth allows me to bear witness to one of the most intimate and vulnerable experiences of a woman’s life, and there is nothing more rewarding for me than those moments. It is such a privilege to attend women in childbirth – to watch a woman show her strength and courage over the course of labor, and watch a couple meet their newborn for the first time! I have strong relationships with so many of the women I serve. Of course, like any job, being a midwife is tough at times…. 2am phone calls are always tough! But truthfully the most challenging aspect of the job is that caring for women often entails significant grief and sorrow. I frequently see women experience tremendous pain and suffering with infertility issues, miscarriages, and other unexpected challenges. 

If you could tell an expectant mother one thing, what would it be?

Trust your body! As Ina May Gaskin famously says, “Remember this, for it is as true and true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.” I love this quote!! Such powerful words, and a good reminder for all of us.

What do you like to do when you’re not attending births/clinicals?

I got married a year ago, and spending time with my husband Geoff consumes most of my time outside of midwifery. We love to travel – our last big trip was our honeymoon to South Africa, and our next big trip will be to Croatia. We love to ski, and spend a lot of time in the winter hitting the slopes of Park City. Camping and sailing are my other hobbies.  

What are you currently binge-watching?

I don’t watch a lot of TV; instead I usually spend evenings reading or watching movies. But I confess - I am addicted to Game of Thrones and I can’t wait for the next season to start!

What is your favorite place to relax in the OC?

I love the relaxing and laid-back vibe of San Clemente. I spent my high school years in SC and Geoff and I are hoping to move back there sometime next year. I love the fun restaurants downtown, beautiful beaches and beach trail, and perpetual cool ocean breeze. 

the pantry - zucchini Bread

This week’s Pantry recipe comes from one our postpartum clients. I supported Bree and her family while she was recovering from surgery. One day I showed up for my shift to see some bread defrosting on the counter. I had the chance to try it later in the day and it was delicious enough for me to ask for the recipe.

photo credit: http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/

The thing I love about things like Zucchini Bread or Banana Bread is it’s ability to freeze and defrost well. I prefer to make several batches and enjoy one fresh while freezing others for future use. And defrosting is a breeze, just place it in the fridge or on the kitchen counter for a few hours and voila.

Another bonus is that picky kids who may resist eating their fruits and vegetables often don’t second guess what’s inside. Your little one enjoys a healthy snack without a battle and you enjoy the peace of mind that comes with knowing your child is getting at least some of the nutrients needed for optimal health and growth.

The recipe Bree shared comes from Two Peas & Their Pod but Bree’s version included ½-1c. of rolled oats (she is breastfeeding and wanted to benefits of the extra iron) and chocolate chunks (specifically soy-free and dairy-free by Enjoy Life). Chocolate is always a good idea in my world, even if it’s what Bree called “fake chocolate”! This recipe is great because you can play with it a bit to find the right flavors for you. Someone else recommended trying dried cranberries instead of chocolate… that may have to be next on my list!

If you plan on freezing, Two Peas & Their Pod recommends letting the bread cool before wrapping in plastic wrap then adding it to a freezer bag. You can also use aluminum foil as the second layer if you want to cut back on the plastic. Most veggie or fruit breads are best used within a month of freezing, so help your “mom-brain” out by writing the date somewhere on the wrapping. Defrost completely before slicing.

Bree and I enjoyed her  Zucchini Banana Bread warmed up (only 15-20 seconds in the microwave) with a little dab of butter on top. You can also try it with some jam, ricotta cheese or simply on it’s own! Pair it with your morning eggs or a bowl of yogurt & fruit for an extra nutritional punch. Really, there are so many options with a treat like this. Experimenting is all part of the fun.

As with all of the recipes we share, we’d love to hear what you think! Did you experiment a little? Did your kids devour it all before you could even take a bite? Do you have your own recipe or blog you’d like feature here?? Let us know!

In the Spotlight :: Pilar Chandler & Shri Veda Wellness

Welcome back to our “In the Spotlight” series! This is a new addition to our blog where we introduce you to local birth workers, wellness practitioners, and medical professionals in Orange County.

Today, we’d like you to say hello to Pilar Chandler, Massage Therapist, Holistic Health Ayurvedic Practitioner and Owner of Shri Veda Wellness in Costa Mesa! Pilar is one of the incredible members of our resource network. This network is a collaborative group of professionals who strive to improve the care of families in the OC through high quality services, education, options, and support.

We had a chance to chat with Pilar and get more insight into what exactly is an Ayurvedic Practitioner and how her life experience has contributed to her passion in working with women.

1) Tell us a bit about yourself… where did you grow up, are you married, do you have kids, what do you like to do in your spare time, etc.

I am originally from Hawaii and I grew up between The Islands and Newport Beach. I have always been super active in outdoor adventures, swimming, surfing, hiking and camping. Nature has always played a major role in my life, so dropping in to that regularly for me is a soul touchstone; keeps me connected to source. I became a Mom when I was 19 years old and raised my daughter as a single mother. I really enjoyed being a young mom, for us it was perfect. It kept me grounded and focused on my goals and we had a lot of fun traveling and exploring. She lives and goes to school in the Bay Area now, so I am at a whole new renaissance in my life with all this extra time! When I am not in the water or on the trail I am most likely to be found writing, painting or in my garden.
 

2) How long have you been an Ayurvedic Practionier & Massage Therapist and what inspired you to do this work?

I became a massage therapist in ’99 after a brief career in the fashion industry. Natural healing was something I had been interested in for a while at that point, but wasn’t really thinking about it as a career. I had birthed my daughter at home and was already a home herbalist, but it was my Grandmother who really encouraged me to look at it as a career. So I did, and went from a Massage Therapist to a Holistic Health Practitioner pretty quickly. I walked into Healing Hands School of Holistic Health and found my tribe! I took every class I could and then became a teacher. I taught multiple modalities there for over 10 years. I love being in the classroom, either as a student or a teacher it’s a very stimulating and inspiring environment for me.

Ayurveda came in somewhere around 2002-3. I was looking for something to expand upon with my practice. I explored Acupuncture, Chiropractic, etc. but Ayurveda was a very natural fit. It is the sister science of Yoga and I have been practicing yoga since high school and studying Tantra for a few years at that point. Ayurveda is a complete medical science the oldest known to man, but it was the spiritual component that was the clincher for me. The ultimate goal in Ayurveda is to bring the physical body into harmony with one’s environment, once the ailments are dissolved one is more likely to align with your higher purpose, higher self, for enlightenment and true joy. In 2006 I graduated with Honors from Mount Madonna Institute, College of Ayurveda as a general practitioner and then eventually went on to specialize in Obstetrics and Gynecology.    

3) What is a common misconception people have about your profession?

I think most people don’t know enough about Ayurveda to have too many misconceptions. I actually don’t mention it too often, to avoid the confusion. It is the lense through which I look when working with a client. Occasionally I will have someone call who is looking specifically for Ayurveda, but mostly my clients find me as a “Natural Women’s Health Specialist”. I can of course treat anyone for anything that you would go to your regular doctor for, similar to a naturopath. In my practice I use body treatments (various types of massage therapies), lifestyle and dietary recommendations, herbal formulas, supplements and Yoni (vaginal) steams to support my clients healing. I have a large apothecary in my office where I formulate personalized herbal blends for my clients. We do a lot of check-ins and processing with each appointment. I find as a holistic practitioner I am kind of like a detective, asking questions to discover where the missing link is, whether it’s emotionally, spiritually, or physically. This also helps me know where to best support each person.    

4) What is the “why” behind your business? Why do you do what you do?

It could be because I am a woman, or maybe because I have a daughter, but I believe that when we, women specifically, feel our best, when we can be honest about our needs and desires and hold our space in the world as bearers of life and keepers of peace, I believe our world can become balanced again. A teacher of mine told me something profound many years ago that has always stuck with me... “There are only two kinds of people in this world… Mother’s and their children.” Honoring the female and feminine principle in our world has been repressed or all together forgotten. No Mother wants to feed her children poisons or send her child off to war. Whether you are a mother or a daughter, when we as women can align with our true purpose, our highest selves, I believe our world can know peace. World peace. I do what I do, because I believe it helps bring balance to the planet, and to smash the patriarchy.

5) What is the most satisfying part of your job? What is the most challenging?

For me the most satisfying part of my job is helping someone feel better, whether that is; soothing menstrual pain, resolving digestive issues, achieving a pregnancy, birthing a healthy baby, sailing through postpartum or menopause. I always believe there is the potential for healing. The journey, the process or even the outcome may not be what we expected, but that is part of this human life. However, feeling better and more balanced, we can always strive for that.

Challenges… My clients are very smart and very educated. Often times, by the time they come to me they have seen a laundry list of doctors, or specialists or have done a ton of research. Staying on top of all the latest research and health trends can sometimes be challenging, but mostly I would call it inspiring.

6) Tell us a little bit about your education and how your training and experience sets you apart?

As far as I know I am the only one in Southern California that works the way I do; that combines massage therapy, Ayurveda, herbal medicine and Mayan Abdominal therapy for my clients. I have been trained as a massage therapist, with over 2000 hours of training in various methods. I am state certified as an instructor and therapist and have my National Board certification in massage therapy. I am a certified Holistic Health Practitioner. I am trained and certified in Ayurveda and hold credentials with NAMA (National Ayurvedic Medical Association), as well as advanced training in Obstetrics and Gynecology. I am a certified Arvigo Mayan Abdominal Therapy practitioner, with advanced training in prenatal applications. I also am a trained doula and certified Yoga Instructor.

Aside from my trainings and certifications, I have also spent the last 20 years raising my daughter without any pharmaceutical interventions (she did have stitches a couple times!). So my experience with holistic living goes beyond my training, it’s really my life!

7)What else inspires you in life?

EVERYTHING!! I am a pretty passionate person and I can find inspiration almost everywhere. My work, nature, my daughter, dance, children, animals, the ocean, these are some common themes in my life. I love creating space and ritual. I am an artist who plays in many modalities from photography, painting, hand-work… there is always a creative project going on at home. I love to travel, to see new places and experience different cultures. Sometimes it can be a bit daunting… all the ideas I have that want to be birthed… there’s not enough time in the day!

8) What is your favorite place to relax in the OC?

My home is really my sanctuary. It’s definitely my favorite place to relax and unwind, work in the garden, listen to music. Besides that, the beach, some of my favorite beaches (aside from my local sands in Newport) would be Crystal Cove or Crescent Beach in Laguna. We are so lucky to have such access to so much beautiful coastline. Nature is really a panacea for so much!