Light a Candle | Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

October is often equated with cooler weather, Fall colors, Halloween festivities and even Breast Cancer awareness. But did you know that October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month? At Doulas of Orange County we want to take an opportunity to stand in solidarity and love with all of the parents who have lost a baby, whether before or after birth. We understand that this topic can be painful and often goes undiscussed due to that pain. 

In an effort to reduce the stigma surrounding miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss we’d like to share a beautiful story from our friend Jesse. Jesse is a mother of 4, whose sweet children came to her via the foster system and adoption. She gifted us with her experience and we hope that by sharing we can help give a voice to those quietly processing their journey without support.  

“October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. So, I'm breaking my silence and sharing my story. One year ago today, we found out that our unborn son's heart had stopped beating. He was our surprise miracle baby after 8 years of infertility. Despite our extreme excitement over FINALLY getting pregnant, we decided not to tell anyone until after the first trimester. Those first 12 weeks went by, we heard his little heartbeat, and we thought we were in the clear. We found out that it was a boy and planned to announce to everyone at a Halloween party that we were hosting. The week before the party (one year ago today) we found out that our long-awaited son had died. He was 14 weeks. The Halloween party was fun, most of our friends and family were there, but it was hard to get through while carrying this devastating secret. 

Why didn't we reach out to our gathering of friends and family for support? There's a taboo when talking about infant loss. You're expected to just pretend it didn't happen. Pretend you never had a tiny human growing inside of you. Pretend you didn't spend every waking moment thinking about him growing in there and dreaming about what he would look like, who he would be, what your life would be like with him in it. It's not just a fetus that dies in a miscarriage, it's all the hopes and dreams you had about your child that die along with him. It's been a year since we lost our son and I still think of him at least once everyday. He would have been six months old this month if he had survived. In honor of the joy my son gave me for those short 14 weeks, I'm sharing his story so that maybe others who have lost their babies will feel more comfortable breaking the silent taboo. 25% of all pregnancies end with loss. With so many people out there who have their own stories, let's make it okay to talk about. I love all my children, no matter how they joined my family or how long they were here with us.”

Today, October 15th we participate in what is called the “Wave of Light”. We invite you to light a candle at 7pm in your own time zone. Light a candle in remembrance of the babies who have gone far too soon. Please keep the candle burning for at least an hour and in doing so there will be a continual wave of light across the world all day. The wave of light shows that we stand together, that bereaved parents aren't alone. You don't have to be bereaved to join in, so please show your support by lighting a candle at 7pm. 

If you are in need of support and healing after your own loss, we are available to assist you in finding resources or support groups in your area. It is so important to honor your feelings and process though the loss of your child, no matter how short a time they graced this world womb-side or earth-side. You are forever a mother and they are forever carried in your heart. In Orange County, there are several options, including “Forever Footprints” who offers regular group meetings in Newport Beach. Hoag Hospital and St. Joseph’s Hospital also have several support group options.  Please know that you are not alone. We are here to help. Please contact us at hi@doulasofoc.com for more information on support groups, if you’re interested in leading a group at our office or for the support of a Bereavement Doula. 

We welcome you to break the silence and share your baby’s name or nickname during pregnancy in the comments section, as we honor and remember the babies gone far too soon. 

Grow & Explore together | Babywearing Series

Today’s post wraps up our series in celebration of International Babywearing Week 2016. We are confident that the information we’ve shared this week will help you along your journey as babywearing parents. I'm going to chat about the wonderful ways in which baby wearing helps you to grow & explore together with your children. 

Boosts Confidence and Ease Of Mind of Parents/Caregivers  

Laura Simeon, a parent and write says "The more confidence parents have, the more they can relax and enjoy their children," She continues: "A large part of confidence is the ability to read baby’s cues successfully. When a baby is held close in a sling, a parent becomes finely attuned to baby’s gestures and facial expressions....Every time a baby is able to let his parent know when he is hungry, bored, or wet without having to cry, his trust in the parent is increased, his learning is enhanced, and a parent’s confidence is reinforced. This cycle of positive interaction enhances the mutual attachment between parent and child, and it makes life more enjoyable for everyone."

When baby is calm and comforted and happy, mom will feel calm and happy as well and thus encourage you to get out and about more often. A stroll around the block for fresh air and sunshine do wonders in the postpartum period. As baby gets older you can take this time to look at the trees, wave at the dogs and explore together. 

It’s So Darn Convenient

Have you ever had to run into the grocery store for a few items and wished there was an easier way than pulling out the car seat and the stroller? Babywearing is the answer! Regularly using a sling, wrap, or SSC helps make your errands less frustrating. Babywearing makes traveling light and easy and you can leave the bulky stroller in the trunk!

A sling, or carrier can easily be stored in the car or diaper bag, making it easy to grab and go! It also makes being in a crowded place much less stressful. 

It’s also a great option for getting baby to nap on the go! Baby can sleep while out and about with constant snuggles, which results in longer, uninterrupted sleep cycles. Hello ice tea & wandering the Target aisles while baby snoozes. 

Not Just For Babies!

Feel like your baby has outgrown babywearing just because she’s crawling or walking? Think again!

Toddlerwearing is very beneficial, in those instances when your little one needs comfort, or is overstimulated, before/after a "meltdown". Wearing a toddler makes extended breastfeeding an option, reinforces parental bonding, and also encourages those wild & energetic little ones to stop and slow down every now and then! Tula makes a great toddler carrier that comes in handy for long days of walking when your toddler wants to be close and snuggle. 

We hope you've loved learning more about babywearing and the many incredible benefits for the whole family! There is so much sweetness to enjoy when baby is close enough to kiss. We know we’ve shared a lot of information so far and we really encourage you to explore further amongst your friends and community to further your education on babywearing. Don’t forget to check our events calendar for upcoming Babywearing 101 classes at our Doulas of Orange County office in Irvine!

"A child may not know what direction he is going, but when he is attached to you, he doesn't feel lost”

-Gordon Neufeld.

Developmental Benefits when Babywearing

So far we’ve learned a lot about the benefits of babywearing for the mom… but what about the baby? Babywearing not only promotes bonding, but it is considered one of the most important factors in the physical, mental, and social development of infants. It increases awareness, stimulates their brains in a healthy yet calm way, and assists them in experience the world from different perspectives.

Humanizing and Social Development

When being worn, baby is at the perspective of the parents, experiencing in-depth life from our point of view. They are fully and infinitely immersed into the parent's world. Seeing what they see, hearing what they hear, smelling what they smell, and even, -in a sense, feeling what they feel. What child doesn't love being a part of their parent's big big world. 

According to Dr. Sears, "baby becomes aware of, and learns from, all the subtle facial expressions, body language, voice inflections and tones, breathing patterns, and emotions of the caregiver." All of this actually results in a smarter, more "organized" baby.

“Such environmental experiences stimulate nerves to branch out and connect with other nerves, which helps the brain grow and develop.” (Sears)

When interacting with the world around you at the level of the caregiver, baby is able to build connections socially with the sights and sounds around them. They can talk and coo with other adults, point at the plane in the sky or listen in on conversations adults are having. Being high up and in the action gives them a chance to soak in this social interaction and connection vs being at a caregiver's feet or stroller and potentially missing out on a chance for increased social development.  

Enhanced Speech Development  

La Leche League states, "In many cultures, babies are constantly in the arms of caregivers. Anthropologists and psychologists who study the behavior of mothers and babies have observed that when mothers and babies are together, they are constantly shaping one another's behavior. When her baby whimpers or seems to be in distress, the mother responds and reassures her little one. If her baby seems hungry, she offers her breast. When the baby looks into her eyes, she smiles and talks to her baby, and her baby responds by gazing at her, smiling, or trying to "talk" in baby language. When babies encounter new people or new experiences, mothers and fathers who are holding them can help them overcome their fears and learn more about their world."

Being in intimate connection with a parent or caregiver encourages age appropriate communication and gives your baby a healthy start in life. 

Physical Development 

While being worn a baby responds to the frequent walking and bouncing with an increased sense of balance and understanding of movement. Tummy time is recommended by medical professionals to help encourage baby to develop strong neck and stomach muscles and turn their head side to side. However the majority of babies aren't too keen on tummy time on the play mat. When upright in a sling or carrier, littles ones are constantly engaging their core and trunk muscles and strengthening the neck as they look up at their caregiver or look around at all of the exciting sights and sounds. Since babies are often on their back in a crib, moses basket, bouncer, swing etc, wearing them is an easy way to provide time in a different position while keeping them happy and entertained. Providing this time off of their back can assist with preventing plagiocephaly. Tummy time is still an important activity for your little one, but the good news is that baby wearing helps a lot with physical development.  

Join me tomorrow for my last post celebrating International Babywearing Week all about Growing & Exploring the world together with your children! 

The ease of being handsfree // Babywearing series

Life as a new parent can be hectic and overwhelming, especially if you’re doing this parenting thing for the first time. There’s a lot to learn, a lot of joys, a lot of frustrations. New parents quickly learn that a certain amount of sacrifice comes with the territory and that life will forever be different.

This can be a huge struggle for some, especially when they come to grips with the reality that doing things with a newborn in tow can sometime take 3 times longer than it used to. Gone are the days of having two hands to do everything.

Being “hands-free” is another great benefit of babywearing. While your baby is safely secured to your body, you have the freedom to go about a more normal life with little to no interruption. I absolutely adore that I can still get out to walk to San Clemente state beach in South OC with my baby in the ring sling and my toddler in tow. 

Multitasking!

Most babies, especially those still in the newborn stage of life, prefer to be held. They are used to the consistent rocking of the mamas body from being in the womb, as well as the calming & rhythmic sound of her heartbeat, so it's no wonder that they prefer to be in your arms. Babywearing offers all of that, while allowing the wearer to still be able to get their to-do list managed.
Babywearing allows Mom or Dad to get things like cleaning, chores, shopping, or cooking done with ease.

Extremely Practical

Those who care for multiple children know that it's never easy to meet the older child's (or children's) needs when arms are occupied, holding a baby. As we mentioned above, the hands-free option makes multitasking easy & actually possible! This then allows you to cut up some apples for your oldest as a snack, or assist big brother in climbing up and down the slide at the park. This can actually help reduce sibling rivalry... thank goodness for that!

For some, babywearing may even allow you to work at the same time! I've seen professional photographers rock their baby on their bod while snapping photos! (babies really do make the best accessory)!

Ability to Breastfeed hands free & on demand

I love this quote by Sears, "When a baby is near his source of milk and comfort, he does not have to use much energy to get his mother’s attention; he can use this energy to grow instead."

The option to breastfeed while babywearing is also useful for those who may feel uncomfortable breastfeeding in public, for whatever reason. Babywearing allows for more discretion and convenience. Babies tend to be less distracted while be worn as well, which makes nursing much easier for mama. And let's be real, sometimes you just need to get things done, and lying around nursing a baby for hours at a time can make the impending to-do list even more daunting.

So, what is your favorite thing to get accomplished while wearing your baby?

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post on how babywearing can contribute to your child’s development. Thanks again for joining us in celebration of International Babywearing Week!

photo: Topher Delancy Photography

Happy Mom, Happy Baby // Babywearing Series

Welcome back to our Babywearing Blog Series in honor of International BabyWearing Week! So far I've covered how to get started… if you’re new to babywearing and interested in a quick introduction to the types of carriers and how to find resources in your community, I recommend reading that first.

It should come as no surprise that we at the Doulas of Orange County support anything that promotes a happy and healthy mother and baby. The mother and baby are a unit, even after they’ve been physically disconnected at birth. They rely on each other for many things in the 4th trimester and beyond. Which is why we believe babywearing is such a wonderful asset to your family.

photo: TOPHER DELANCY

Today I want to touch on a few of those benefits specifically related to bonding and attachment.

Happy Baby, Happy Mama

It's true, babies who are worn and kept close are statistically happier babies. In a study published in the journal “Pediatrics”, researchers found that babywearing for three hours a day reduced infant crying by 43 percent overall and 51 percent during evening hours!

Babies spend these moments close to mom in "quiet alertness"... they are calm and aware, absorbing and learning from their surroundings. "In the kangaroo carry, baby has a 180-degree view of her environment and is able to scan her world. She learns to choose, picking out what she wishes to look at and shutting out what she doesn’t. This ability to make choices enhances learning."  - www.askdrsears.com

Researchers have also reported that worn babies show enhanced visual and auditory alertness. You can imagine how having a calm and happy baby can directly influence the overall physical and mental health of the mom. Mom and baby are connected. When baby is happy, mom is happy… and vice versa.

Healthy Baby

"Premature babies and babies with special needs often enter the world with fragile nervous systems. When a baby rides in a sling attached to his mother, he is in tune with the rhythm of her breathing, the sound of her heartbeat, and the movements his mother makes—walking, bending, and reaching. This stimulation helps him to regulate his own physical responses. Research has even shown that premature babies who are touched and held gain weight faster and are healthier than babies who are not." - Babywearing International

Bill and Martha Sears note that babywearing stimulates the infant’s vestibular system, the parts of the inner ear that work like levels or sensors to control the body’s sense of balance. The stimulation "helps babies breathe and grow better, regulates their physiology, and improves motor development". This applies to both full-term and premature babies. I find this tremendously fascinating!

Creates a Womb-Like Experience

Baby is nice and snug, feeling mother (or father/caregiver) close, their rhythmic breathing & melodic heartbeat create a soothing environment.

This familiar rhythm, imprinted on baby’s mind from while in the womb, now reappears in the “outside womb” and calms and relaxes baby. Again, reinforcing this closeness, comfort, and connection; which is essential in helping a baby to thrive.

Increases Bonding

Babywearing makes “Kangaroo Care” (skin-to-skin) effortless. And it is not just for the mamas! In fact, babywearing is especially beneficial for fathers, doulas, grandparents, adoptive parents, babysitter, or any loved one for that matter, to help increase the bond between adult and baby.

There is much evidence-based research available which shows how powerful skin-to-skin time is. The philosophy of nine months in the womb and nines months out encourages recreating the womb-like experience as much as possible. This simple act of physical closeness can result in baby's regulation of body temperature, oxygen saturation levels, and respiratory and heart rates. Not to mention it elevates mom’s oxytocin which helps combat postpartum depression and can increase her milk supply.

There is an incredible amount of research that supports the benefits of bonding and healthy attachment in the first year of life. The needs of the baby are met easily and comfortably while being carried or worn by a loved one. But what happens when life’s other needs start to interfere? How can we cope when our baby needs our constant love and attention? Next up in our series we’ll talk about the joys and benefits of babywearing while creating a hands-free lifestyle!