In the quiet hush of the labor & delivery room, where the air is charged with anticipation and the scent of earthiness and birthyness, a new chapter in your life unfolds. The rhythmic cadence of your breath is mirrored by the gentle whispers of your doula, a reassuring presence in this oh so sacred moment. The culmination of nine months… maybe more, leads to this: the first hour with your newborn.
When I was selecting items for my baby registry, it was really important to me to not go overboard. As a doula of 14 years, I’ve seen families get overwhelmed with the amount of stuff in their homes and nurseries and I knew I wanted to keep things on the simpler side. I also wanted to be mindful of the impact on not only the environment, but also my baby’s microbiome - which meant finding a lot of eco-friendly products to keep waste down and keep our home as “low tox” as possible. Here you’ll find some of my favorite sustainable and most useful items that I registered for.
The Doulas of Orange County office phone rings.
I pick up. “Hello! Doulas of Orange County. Lauren speaking.”
A strained voice sounds relieved to hear me, and it sounds like she has been crying. She’s an exhausted new mom of 12-week old twins and a 20-month-old toddler (who won’t let her out of his sight). She’s drained from her twin pregnancy, a difficult birth, and breastfeeding challenges. She struggles to keep up with laundry and wash enough dishes to have plates for the next meal. Her partner has been trying to feed the baby at night, but she’s still waking up to pump for multiples and can’t help but feel guilty about how tired her partner will be at work the next day. She really needs a postpartum doula in Irvine, CA.
“Can you help me, even though my babies are so old?” She asks.
That lingerie hugged every curve of your pre-baby body so perfectly. You could drink champagne without worrying if your baby was gonna get drunk right along with you. Doing your hair didn’t involve crying in a heap on the floor because of the literal clumps falling out of your scalp.
Sigh. Those were the days.
The sun rises and the sun falls. The tides wash up and the tides recede. Another day, another journey. So much to reflect on and so much to look forward to.
Today it is with a big sigh that we say a fond farewell to the co-founder of OC Doula Collective LLC, Jessica Bougie, and announce that she is stepping down from her role as the co-owner and magic maker here at OCDC. Although she is now 1300 miles away, her impact on Orange County birthing families will last a lifetime.
Jessica and I launched OC Doula Collective in Spring of 2014 with the shared vision of providing compassionate and professional support starting from pregnancy through early parenthood. The following year in 2015 we opened our offices and parenting education center in Costa Mesa to offer the community a place to grow and flourish as a family through prenatal classes, mommy & me groups and group events. The many families that we have had the pleasure of serving together has been an immense honor and joy. Through her work as the co-owner she helped to build bridges of trust and collaboration with care providers and raise the standards of care in our industry.
As a Birth Doula and Student Midwife, Jessica’s passion for creating an atmosphere where birthing people feel loved, nurtured and safe was evident, as she walked along side of countless families. She was the doula for my daughter's arrival and was an irreplaceable part of Juniper's birth story. I know that we can all agree that Jessie’s infectious smile and warm embrace will make anyone’s day a million times better. She is dedicated to improving not only the experience, but the holistic care that a mother receives as she welcomes her baby into the world.
As this chapter in her life comes to a close; she is currently writing her new narrative as a future Licensed Midwife in the great state of Texas. Austin City is lucky to have such a warm hearted, genuine and passionate woman to guide and support them through life’s greatest adventure. Everyone that has had the pleasure of knowing this wonderful woman is sure to miss her dearly. I know I do! Please join me in wishing her all the love and positivity your heart can contain. If you happen to live or know a family in ATX, make sure to look up Feather & Fawn Birth for all of your Doula needs.
Bon Voyage sweet friend!
Being a Doula is hard. Like, REALLY hard.
It’s stunning and beautiful and profound and core-shaking and magical and fascinating.
When a client hires you, they are hiring you to support them through some of the most intense moments of their lives. They are relying on you to be there in the thick of things... not only when things unfold as they envision, but also when things begin to fall off the rails.
When they hire you, they know that they can call you at 2am when their gassy baby is screaming her head off and nothing is working to soothe her.
When they hire you, they know you will answer an urgent text in the middle of family dinner.
They are depending on you to be the calm amongst the storm.
But what happens when you can’t be the calm in their storm?
What happens when your own life is an emotional roller-coaster? When you’re tapped out and literally have nothing else to give? When you’re so emotionally empty that the thought of attending a birth or going to one more postpartum visit leaves a pit in your stomach or brings you to tears?
There’s a reason the typical burn-out rate for Doulas is 2 years, people.
And it’s not because we take on too many clients or because we don’t have enough help from our spouses or because we don’t take good care of ourselves (although those factors may definitely be true for some!).
It’s because being a Doula is really freaking hard. It’s also because typically in “Doula School” we aren’t taught our worth. We aren’t taught that self-care is important. We aren’t taught that our gifts have value. And we definitely aren’t taught that it’s ok to say no.
The expectations put upon Doulas is BANANAS.
Advocate. Therapist. Midwife. Massage Therapist. Lactation Consultant. Sleep Trainer. Super Woman. All rolled into one.
This is what some Doulas claim to be. This is what is projected onto others even if the claims aren’t made by the Doulas themselves. This is what a society that doesn’t really know WHAT a Doula does, thinks we do.
While I may be a fantastic Doula, I am also a human.
As much as I would like to, I cannot promise a particular birth outcome. I cannot cure your Postpartum Depression. I cannot make your baby’s colic go away.
As a Birth & Postpartum Doula, I commit to support you through these life-changing experiences and I do it to the best of my ability. However, I cannot save anyone from anything. Not even myself.
I have my limits. And so do you. It’s different for each person, but that limit does exist.
Me? I have to force myself to take a huge step back and look at what I’m costing myself AND what I’m costing my clients by trying to push beyond my limits. It is selfish of me to think that my lack of emotional wellness won’t affect my client’s birth or postpartum experiences. It is unrealistic to think that giving anything less than my best to a client will result in them being satisfied with my services and my support.
Quite honestly, sometimes I have to put myself first. And that is absolutely ok.
Yesterday, I made the decision to transfer a client’s care to another Doula within our agency.
I did it because I know myself well enough to know that I would not be the calm amongst her storm. That I was unable to be emotionally present for her in my current emotional state. It was not done lightly. And while I did it for my own health, I also did it for my client. Because she deserves the best support she can get. She deserves someone who has their shit together.
I currently do not. And I’m woman enough to admit it.
Thankfully, I work for an agency that supported me in this decision and encouraged me to take care of myself. I take comfort in the fact that my client will have a tremendous Doula who is better equipped to support her in the ways that she needs. I trust that her birth will be all the more amazing because of this transfer of care.
Admitting that you are not enough is a shitty feeling. But it is not a failure. Asking for help is not a weakness. Taking time to focus on you is not wrong.It took me a long time to learn this. But I’m thankful for the lesson and for the awareness in the here and now.
How is your day-to-day life reflecting the value you place upon your own self and well-being?
In case no one has told you yet, self-care is imperative. And it often goes overlooked in the life of a Doula. It’s unfortunate but true.
But hear this... KNOW this: YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT. You cannot live a well-balanced life without it. Your work will not be sustainable if you don’t do it. And regularly.
Please, please, please don’t be like me. Don’t put yourself last and ignore your self-care needs. Pour back into yourself so that you have something left in reserve to give to your clients. Honor your limits. Know when to say “Uncle”. And for goodness sakes, don’t apologize for it!
Today concludes Doulas of OC's First Annual Diaper Drive to benefit OC Rescue Mission in Tustin, CA. We are happy to report that we had a huge response from the community and were able to hand-deliver your contributions to the donation center earlier this afternoon.
In September of 2016 KTLA, OC Register and other news outlets put out the word about a dire need for diapers & wipes at OC Rescue Mission’s Village of Hope; a transitional community for the homeless in Orange County. Being that we are in the business of birth and babies, we quickly decided that this would be a wonderful cause to get behind and looked to enlist our community to help.
Our First Annual Diaper Drive launched in November. We partnered with Laguna Beach OBGYN and The Yoga Mat in Orange where we set up collection boxes for patients and patrons to drop-off diapers during business hours. Our own office in Costa Mesa served as a drop-off hub as well.
Weeks went by and the empty boxes at each drop-off location began to fill up with diapers & wipes. The holiday spirit of giving was in the air and people generously donated to this worthy cause. Soon our entryway was overflowing with diapers just waiting to cover those cute little baby bums.
Our collection efforts officially ended last week and today we commenced tallying the final numbers prior to dropping off the diapers. We are excited to report that we collected 2,281 diapers and 2,760 wipes. Experts say that with this amount you could diaper 1 child up to a year! Yay for clean and happy babies!
The highlight of our experience was meeting "Guitar Kenny", one of the Warehouse Managers. He shared his personal story of how the OC Rescue Mission helped get him off the streets and recover from addiction. It was encouraging to hear about all of the great work OCRM is doing in the community, not only for babies, but for women, children, and men of all walks of life.
It goes without saying (but we want to say it, so we will) that we could not have done this without you! Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for your generosity and enthusiasm in getting behind this cause. Thank you to Dr. Kenneth James & Allison Molinski at Laguna Beach OBGYN and Courtney Short & Natalie Ostad at The Yoga Mat! Your partnership in this endeavor is extremely appreciated.
The success of this community-centered donation drive has inspired us and given us many new ideas to consider in regards to philanthropic involvement. We truly want our community to thrive and are eager to continue providing assistance and support wherever we can. Stay tuned for another community drive in April - this time focusing on the importance of well-woman care. And again in late-2017 for our 2nd Annual Diaper Drive!
Today’s Spotlight is on the one of Saddleback Memorial’s midwives, Allison Molinski! She has partnered with many wonderful OBs to provide evidenced-based and compassionate care to the women of Orange County. Previously a midwife at Beach Cities Midwifery and previously one of the lead midwives at the now closed birth center at Mission Hospital she is offering hospital-based midwifery services and working tirelessly to bridge the gap in maternity care.
We recently met Allison for dinner to talk all things pregnancy and birth! We are honored to have the chance to learn more about her background, her experience, and her incredible passion for serving women. We are excited to collaborate with her and to support her in the amazing work she is doing in Orange County.
I grew up primarily in Orange County but also lived abroad for a number of years in South Africa, Venezuela, and Canada due to my dad’s job as an engineer. I feel so fortunate to have had those childhood experiences as they have had a strong influence on my life path ever since. I attended UC Berkeley for my undergraduate degree, and during my years at Berkeley I cultivated a passion for women’s rights activism and earned a degree in International Development. After graduating I moved to Jakarta, Indonesia to volunteer at a public health clinic for women and children. These experiences shaped my vision of becoming a midwife, as I began to see midwifery as a way I could combine all of my interests – health, feminism, and international development – and be in a position where I could positively impact my community. I left Jakarta and moved to New York City to earn a Bachelor’s and Master’s in Nurse Midwifery from Columbia University. My first job as a midwife was at Beach Cities Midwifery. I feel so blessed to have had strong mentorship from Beach Cities founder BJ Snell, and my time at Beach Cities enabled me to develop a strong foundation in midwifery in an out-of-hospital setting. (I also have tremendous gratitude to BJ as she also introduced me to my now-husband!) I began working part time at Kaiser Orange County about a year ago, and recently left Beach Cities to join Dr. Kenneth James, a well-loved OBGYN in Orange County. I am thrilled at the opportunity to serve a broader demographic, and offer midwifery care in-hospital at Saddleback Memorial. I would love to ultimately work abroad as a midwife, as was my original intent, but for now it is clear to me that my calling is to work with women and families in beautiful Orange County.
I became a midwife in part to become a resource for women in my community. So many of us have questions about our bodies – and about contraception, sex, fertility, childbirth, etc, and feel uncomfortable asking questions or having these conversations. I love that I am able to sit with women and create space for them to ask intimate questions. My goal is to offer information and resources and have a woman walk away feeling more empowered and confident about her body, her health, and her overall well-being. I also love that as a midwife I can offer a more holistic approach to women’s health care, blending western medicine with alternative modalities of care.
Attending birth allows me to bear witness to one of the most intimate and vulnerable experiences of a woman’s life, and there is nothing more rewarding for me than those moments. It is such a privilege to attend women in childbirth – to watch a woman show her strength and courage over the course of labor, and watch a couple meet their newborn for the first time! I have strong relationships with so many of the women I serve. Of course, like any job, being a midwife is tough at times…. 2am phone calls are always tough! But truthfully the most challenging aspect of the job is that caring for women often entails significant grief and sorrow. I frequently see women experience tremendous pain and suffering with infertility issues, miscarriages, and other unexpected challenges.
Trust your body! As Ina May Gaskin famously says, “Remember this, for it is as true and true gets: Your body is not a lemon. You are not a machine. The Creator is not a careless mechanic. Human female bodies have the same potential to give birth well as aardvarks, lions, rhinoceri, elephants, moose, and water buffalo. Even if it has not been your habit throughout your life so far, I recommend that you learn to think positively about your body.” I love this quote!! Such powerful words, and a good reminder for all of us.
I got married a year ago, and spending time with my husband Geoff consumes most of my time outside of midwifery. We love to travel – our last big trip was our honeymoon to South Africa, and our next big trip will be to Croatia. We love to ski, and spend a lot of time in the winter hitting the slopes of Park City. Camping and sailing are my other hobbies.
I don’t watch a lot of TV; instead I usually spend evenings reading or watching movies. But I confess - I am addicted to Game of Thrones and I can’t wait for the next season to start!
I love the relaxing and laid-back vibe of San Clemente. I spent my high school years in SC and Geoff and I are hoping to move back there sometime next year. I love the fun restaurants downtown, beautiful beaches and beach trail, and perpetual cool ocean breeze.
